Can a believer get remarried after divorce?

You’re asking whether it is appropriate for a Christian to remarry after a divorce from a non-christian, but we also want to address divorce in general in the process of answering your specific question.  We pray the Lord will speak to your heart through our words.

Let's begin by establishing a few basic truths from scripture.  Jesus states in all three synoptic Gospels (e.g., Matt 19, Mark 10 & Luke 16) that once a man and woman marry, they have become one flesh and cannot be separated. Should they divorce and one of them remarries (or has sexual relations with another), then that person has committed adultery against the spouse.

Furthermore, the one who marries a divorcee is likewise committing adultery by having relations with a married person. Paul reiterates this truth in 1Cor 7:10-11.

Consequently, divorce is a sin in most circumstances, because God's word demands life-long faithfulness to a marriage. Though a few possible exceptions appear in Scripture, nevertheless the overarching principle of Scripture remains that when two people enter into the covenant of marriage, they are establishing a life-long, unbreakable bond.

Even if a Christian couple should choose to live apart (or even pursue a legal separation or divorce), they remain married in God's eyes, and therefore remarriage by either person would constitute an act of adultery.

The second scriptural truth to note is that there are some limited exceptions to the "no divorce" rule. For example, a widow or widower may freely remarry without sin provided their new spouse is not already under a bond of marriage (Rom 7:2-3).

Secondly, if a man or woman commits unfaithfulness, the marriage may be dissolved. Jesus refers in passing to this exception in Matt 5:32 & 19:8. This exception has given rise to several interpretations.

One view of Matt 5 and Matt 19 takes the Greek word for unfaithfulness in those verses (Gr.: porneia) to refer to unchastity prior to marriage. Jesus didn't use the common word for adultery (Gr.: moichao) when he listed reasons for divorce; He used the word porneia, which is commonly translated fornication, meaning sex prior to marriage.

In Jesus' day a marriage officially began when a couple was betrothed or engaged. The engagement period lasted a year or more, but if one of the betrothed engaged in sexual activity prior to the consummation of the wedding, then the marriage was called off. For example, Joseph was prepared to divorce Mary when she was found to be with Child based upon this rule.

Consequently, this first view sees Jesus statement only to apply to the ending of a marriage during the betrothal period and prior to consummation, because in this scenario the two have yet to become "one flesh" with one another. So Jesus was stating that remarriage by the innocent person was still permissible in this limited case.

A second view (more common today) sees the Matthew passages to mean that adultery in any form, whether prior to or after consummation of marriage, is a permissible reason for divorce and remarriage. This view believes that the marriage covenant is broken by an act of infidelty by one spouse, rendering the marriage covenant dissolved and the other spouse free to remarry.

In our view, this interpretation is contrary to the entire counsel of Scripture, and it leads to a dangerous, slippery slope of interpretation.  Simply put, we find little in Scripture to support this broader interpretation.

First, the language Jesus uses in Matt 5 and 19 never explicitly permits divorce for adultery (i.e., for moicha). He is speaking only about unchastity before marriage.

Secondly, every other Scriptual reference to the nature of marriage - whether by Jesus in the Gospels or by the Epistle writers - consistently reaffirms the inviolate nature of the marriage covenant for as long as both partners are living. Therefore, interpreting Jesus words in Matt 5 and 19 to run against this tide of Scripture seems to us to be wishful thinking rather than sound exegesis.

Thirdly, this interpretation creates new problems. For example, it would by necessity open the door for both parties to remarry without sinning. If Jesus' words are interpreted to mean the bonds of marriage are broken by adultery, then both the innocent spouse and the cheating spouse must be free to remarry according to this view.

We find this conclusion troubling, since it gives license to the unfaithful spouse to remarry without a satisfactory way to reconcile this outcome with God's view of marriage. Through an act of adultery, the unfaithful person gains the opportunity to remarry, which only seems to reward their sinful behavior. How can one sin (i.e., adultery) make a second sin (i.e., divorce and remarriage) permissible? How could Jesus teach that two wrongs would make a right? This contradiction argues against any interpretation of Matthew 5 to mean infidelty dissolves a marriage.

Scripture mentions at least one other possible execption for divorce. Paul taught that the Lord released a believer from trying to preserve a marriage to an unbeleiver in cases where the unbeliever had abandoned the believer. Paul said the believer was released from the requirement to preserve the marriage (1Cor 7:15). A close reading of the text, however, shows that Paul never grants divorce in those circumstances - he merely permits the abandoned spouse to cease seeking reconciliation, which would then lead to a life of singleness thereafter.

Therefore, we believe that Scripture consistently teaches that divorce is only permitted in circumstances where infidelity occurs before the consummation of the marriage takes place (i.e., fornication prior to marriage) or after the death of one spouse.

Even if the Biblical truth on this issue can be stated in black and white, we also acknowledge that the application of this truth can be difficult in practice. Many tough questions remain. For example, some argue that if an unbeliever enters into marriage and then divorces while still an unbeliever, this person having now become a believer may remarry, since they are a new "creature" in Christ (i.e., 2Cor 5:17). (We are unconvinced by this argument, since Paul's point in 2Cor 5 was that we have new spiritual life in Christ, not that our earthly life with all its obligations "resets.")

Some teach that if a person divorces and remarries prior to becoming a Christian, then the second marriage should be ended in the hope of reconciling with the first spouse. Others argue the opposite, saying it's best for the believer to remain in the second marriage rather than returning to the estranged spouse. Does a second divorce make the situation better?

Can the single person who engages in premarrital sex with multiple partners prior to marriage still marry? What do we tell a wife who is physically abused by a husband? Must she stay with the abusive spouse? What about a spouse who is declared missing in action during war and after years is presumed dead? We could go on forever, of course. We can think of many real life situations where applying the guidelines of Scripture will prove difficult.

It's impossible to provide a single rule for all situations, but we believe God expects us to strive to preserve marriages wherever possible. The Spirit must guide us individually in how to respond to our own circumstances, but we can't let our desires overrule the authority of scripture and compromise our walk in obedience to God's word.

Generally speaking, the safest counsel for any couple is that most (if not all) divorces and remarriage are sin, and when a divorce or separation does take place, the divorcee should remain unmarried thereafter. Moreover, the divorcee should continually seek reconciliation with the estranged spouse, even if this is not possible nor practical (or even desired).

Finally, we should also note that divorce and remarriage are not "unforgivable" sins. When a Christian divorces and remarries, they may have committed adultery, but by God's grace they are forgiven and their sin is washed clean by the blood of Christ. We (the saints) cannot stand in judgment over our brothers and sisters who divorce and remarry, especially since their sin in this regard is no greater than our own (e.g., Matt 5:28).

So in summary, if someone is married, they should remain married. If a couple has obtained a legal divorce but neither has remarried nor engaged in sex outside marriage, then scripture commands that both remain faithful to each other (i.e., no remarriage for either) in the hope of reconciliation.  If one partner remarries (or engages in sex outside the marriage), then the remaining partner should strongly consider remaining single though some argue from Scripture that remarriage is permissible.

As with all things, we encourage you to pray and wait for the Holy Spirit to answer your specific concerns. We are confident that if you seek Him earnestly, He will be faithful to lay on your heart the correct course of action. Have the confidence and faith to obey the Holy Spirit in the knowledge that He desires to lead you in righteousness.